Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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