Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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