just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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