omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
