Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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