Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
