Girls should come with a carfax report
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
