i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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