i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
