A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
