is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
