There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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