oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am midnight drunk by noon
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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