Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
