The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
