He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
