just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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