I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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