i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i came on her dog
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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