I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
