Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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