Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never underestimate the power of titties
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
