toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
