his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
