The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
