I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
