Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
