if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
