My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
