I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
