i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
