Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We are all done wearing pants today
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
