I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
