Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
