Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
