There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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