If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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