Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
