remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
