you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
