theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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