My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
