No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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