You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
