Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
