I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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