you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
