Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
