Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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