remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
