So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
