Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
