My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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